And other cliches
This past week my husband took Harold out of town to visit the extended family. They were gone for three days making the rounds to various grand-aunts and uncles, second cousins and a great-grandmother. They were gone for 5 days.

While they were away I realized how all my classmates actually found time to study during clerkship. I did all the housework, went for walks to get coffee, did a bunch of reading for my rotation and even some pre-reading for half day. I wouldn't ever give up the support and love of my family, but it was a short glimpse into how, without them, there would be a lot more room in my day to devote to medicine.

By the time they came back Harold had learned how to wave bye bye, can sit back down from standing without a crash landing (he learned to pull to stand a couple of weeks ago), and started shrieking when he wants something. Well that last one is not so charming... but it is just like "they" say. They grow up so fast (sniff) and every moment I miss is something that I can't get back.

Infection Control
This week there has been an outbreak of H1N1 in one of the wards of the hospital I work at. They quarantined the ward (no new patients, only staff that we necessary for patient care and only close family visitors). While H1N1 has been largely a mild disease this outbreak is where the kidney transplant kids (among others) stay.

I have always been pretty good about washing my hands at the hospital. I was quite proud of myself for going through all of clerkship without picking up any nasty bugs. But this outbreak has given me (and I think a lot of the other staff as well) considerable pause. While many of us might have previously been inclined to work through illnesses or gripe about how long it takes to "gown up", everyone is reaching for the hand sanitizer after and before every patient now. It is great that everyone is taking infection control more seriously now, and it will definitely decrease passing infection between patients.

There are already 5 residents off on sick leave. They will all be gone for at least 5 days to prevent spreading infection to any other patients (so far there are only two confirmed infected patients). This is creating havoc with the call schedules. I think the chief residents have doubled their grey hairs in the past week.

It also makes me think of Harold. I am now responsible to stay healthy to take care of him as well as to prevent passing a bug along to my patients.

But H1N1 is now a community acquired infection. Many of the kids I see in emergency (my present placement) most likely have it. We don't even considering testing for it unless the patient has to come into hospital. Most people with the infection aren't even being seen by doctors.

Now that Harold is in daycare he has a good chance of picking it up regardless of what I do. And if he does, I am probably not far behind. The only up side would be that I no longer have to feel bad about staying home when I am sick.

What do you think?

I haven't posted in awhile for all the regular reasons (too much in the to-do list and the regular cadre of everyday stuff getting in the way). But I have also been struggling over what I should be concentrating on in this blog.

Now that I am a doctor and all official like, I am somewhat reluctant to post about medical stories. Pediatric neurology is a very small specialty and there is no way to make these stories completely anonymous. To protect myself and the little ones that I am lucky enough to take care of, I don't want to expose them to the whims and harsh stares of the internet.

Then there is being a mother. Harold is a huge part of my life and is continually surprising me, mostly with normal progression of babydom. I could use this blog to tell little stories about how pleased, but also scared I am now that he is standing and able to reach a whole new world of mischief. While all of that gives me endless pleasure, I don't really think it is worth your or my time to dwell on so much navel gazing.

I could use this blog to broadcast all my ranks, displeasures and pet peeves. But usually, by the time I have a spare moment to write something I have either forgotten or no longer have the rage fueled energy to post about the jerk in traffic or how stupid the government's latest move to "improve" healthcare is.

So what do you think? What would you like to read about?

Long time coming

A lot has happened since I last posted. Not surprising since it has been such a long time.

I am now two days away from being done medical school.

I anticipated that these past 8 weeks (my make-up time for the "maternity leave" I took in the fall) would feel long, and they certainly haven't disappointed in that regard. I had my obstetrics and gynecology rotation first. It had been shortened from 6 weeks to 4 for the new class (or which I am temporarily a member). Unfortunately the director had been quite disappointed that the rotation had been shortened and wanted to make sure that we had as much experience in the 4 weeks that clerks had previously spread over the 6. This made for a particularly grueling rotation with lots of long hours and no time for studying. Bad enough if all you are trying to study for is the rotation test but even more frustrating for me trying to study for my licensing exam. At least they were kind enough to let me take the day off to write the test. (I still don't know my results, the dread of which still haunts me.)

I am not usually a huge complainer. I (at least in my own conception of myself) usually just go about getting done what needs to be done and don't whine. But there was a point in April while all of my classmates were sleeping in, sitting on their asses studying and complaining on facebook about being bored and I was doing crazy busy call, taking care of Harold whenever I was home and trying to sneak the odd cramming in that I was about ready to start my own pirate radio station just to bitch. "You think you're tired !?! Let me tell you"

Well I got through that. Then the next rotation was cardiology, busy but no call and I was usually home at a reasonable hour. But then there was graduation. I had fun at the graduation dinner but the whole thing was a bit depressing. Everyone was referring to themselves as "Dr". Aside from just finishing another day of my medical student rotation, I was reminded in a bunch of ways that I was not really a member of the group. No gown or hat for me. I didn't get fancy graduation pen with my name on it. My actual convocation will be small, with people I don't know - I might not even bother to go if I have to take time off of work.

Right now I am on an elective in my chosen field. It is kind of nice to get a bit of a relaxed intro to residency. I am still a medical student with no real responsibility but I am getting to know people in the program better and sort some of the paperwork and details out. The only problem is that I am completely burnt out and just counting the days and hours until vacation. I would like to be all keen and engaged but I can barely focus during a conversation. Not the best impression to start with.

In other news, Harold is doing really well. But that update will wait for another post.

Settling In and Strained Peas

I am starting to get used to the idea of residency and the idea that I will be a doctor with little munchkins under my care. And I am also getting really excited about it. Clerkship has been great but there have definitely been parts that were greater than others. Moving to more and more experience that is relevant to my chosen vocation is welcome.

In the meantime I have 11 weeks of clerkship to finish. The rest of my class has 3. 8 weeks is not very long for a maternity leave but right now, with the rest of my class making plans for their 2 months off and having abundant time to study for their licensing exam, it seems interminably long. Not to mention that spring keeps threatening to emerge (not this weekend, this weekend it snowed 10cm) and mock me as I am trapped in the hospital.

I am just going to have to swear off facebook, put my head down and plow through. And ask for the evening off to go to my graduation dinner.

In other news we have started the little guy on food. So far he has tried rice cereal, butternut squash, carrots, yams and honeydew melon. The melon is by far his favorite but most things go down pretty good. Each weekend I have cooked and froze (as directed here) vegetables to eat through the week. I was thinking again today how having a kid changes your life in a million little ways you don't think of. I never would have thought "strain peas" would be on my to-do list.

Pediatric Neurology

Today was match day.....

And I got my first choice. I will be staying here to do pediatric neurology...

Which mostly has me scared out of my mind. I had been weighing the choice between neurology and pediatric neurology. I had been considering neurology pretty much from the beginning of med school but when I did my pediatric rotation I did 3 weeks of subspecialty neurology and loved it. I loved working with the kids, I loved the clinical problems, I loved the physicians I was working with and I even loved working with the parents; the part I was most dreading. But the thought of being responsible for such fragile and innocent patients scared me off committing to it right away. Somehow the prospect of messing up in adult neuro (with an old stroke patient etc) just seemed more manageable.

But when it came to ranking I had to go with my heart. I am still scared out of my mind but I have 4 months to get used to the idea.

And we will be staying put, close to friends and families and our favourite restaurants. A small part of me is sorry that we will not be heading out somewhere new, somewhere adventurous, but I am confident that this is was the best decision for us. Anything to avoid a move :)

Decision Making

Today was the day that our rank lists were due. I had arrived at a list I was fairly confident in about a week ago. Yesterday I started having doubts but, after gazing at it, I made only minor changes and went to bed happy.

This morning I had more doubts. Basically I have been deciding between two specialties. One that is more narrow and I have less experience in. The experience I did have was some of my favorite parts of clerkship but it is hard to know how representative those three weeks were. The other is more broad and I have done enough time to know that I would be happy there.

Then there is location. All the programs I interviewed at are reasonable so it comes down to where we want to live.

The deadline is passed and now I just have to wait and live with the result. I know that I would be happy in any of the programs and either specialty. So why I am stressed now? I have always been happy with the gut decisions I have made in the past and I have no reason to think this will be different. I think what is bothering me is the uncertainty. Once it is over, whatever the result is, I will be happier. Just a week and a half before this theory is tested.